Ever since I was a little girl I loved to read. I was voracious and would devour every book in sight. As I grew older and it became time for me to decide what I wanted to do with my life I began to wonder if it would be possible to find a job that would be a combination of something I loved wholeheartedly and could also learn and grow from. I had always wanted to work in the publishing industry on some level but I had no idea how. So slowly, I moved through the ranks. I interned when I was in college twice for a company I adored; I temped at a company where I met amazing people and found a lifelong friend; I worked full time at the company I interned in; and eventually, I became a sales rep for a company where I found people that I would consider a second family.
In the past week, the company went through the difficult process of downsizing and in the scuffle of it all I, among many other colleagues, was let go.
It was a difficult phone call to sit through and it has been a difficult week of processing, but I knew then and I know now that I will be okay. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions but overall, I cannot and will not and am not upset at what had to happen. Both for the company and for myself. There must be a lesson somewhere here or a reason somewhere here.
I’m still in limbo at the moment. I have decided to study for and take the GMAT exams with the intention of getting my MBA — something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I am not sure if or when I will be cleared to work any time soon and how I will handle working and/or studying alongside my treatment and prospective treatments.
In the past fifteen months (and certainly within the past four) I’ve gone through a lot of transitions and changes and I often find myself thinking of the scene in Pocahontas where she sings “Just Around the Riverbend” and finds herself (and Meeko and Flit) at a fork in the road and she must decide whether to take the path “steady as the beating drum” or steer her way through a ridiculously curved stream and fling herself gracefully off a massive waterfall with her perfect straight hair —
Sorry, got sidetracked a moment. Gotta watch that movie again.
In any case, this is where I have found myself many times in these past fifteen months and where I find myself again. I don’t know if the decisions I make will be the right ones and I have to take in faith that I will be okay. That my studies, my career, my treatments, my insurance, my bills, my health and my life will be okay.
Everything I need to know is waiting for me…
…just around the riverbend.
To the amazing people I’ve met and I love from that company: Thank you for being in my life these past two years. Thank you for teaching me and mentoring me and guiding me through being a sales representative. Thank you for the kind words and the well wishes during my time in the hospital and when I got out. Thank you for caring for me and for sending me all the gifts and the letters and the emails. I’m sorry that I couldn’t say goodbye before I went. I’m sorry I couldn’t pack my things and hug you all myself. I have appreciated knowing every single one of you. Let’s not be strangers, okay? You have my number and you know where to find me, and if you don’t… you know who to ask 🙂 I wish you all the best. Until we meet again.
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